I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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