i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
