on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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