Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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