I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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