Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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