You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
