But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
