I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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