is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
