did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
