I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
