Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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