The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
