Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
