We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize