do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
