Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
