Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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