Having a random hookup so left but love u
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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