after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You ruined the universe
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
