I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
