I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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