Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
