So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
