Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
