I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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