You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
