I'm eating all of the evidence.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
