I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
