The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize