Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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