dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
