i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
