I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
