Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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