I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
