Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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