I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
