um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
