True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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