Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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