I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
where does the pee come out of this thing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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