okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
