can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
