Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
