I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
