Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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