remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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