trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
