I love black thongs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You may now shotgun with the bride
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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