filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize