Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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