Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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