My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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