I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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