She's JV to your varsity
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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