pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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